CEAT

Eoin's Story: By Joan, Eoin's Mummy

May 2003 sends a shudder down my spine; my daughter Jessica was making her Holy Communion, a week later my other daughter Laura was making her Confirmation.  Meanwhile, my mother-in-law was telling me that there was something wrong with my son, Eoin.  She thought he might have a hearing problem.  It was only after reading Keith Duffy's story in a Sunday paper about his daughter Mia that I recognised the symptoms of autism. Eoin was doing some of those things.  

I was totally numb.  I have no recollection of the Holy Communion or the Confirmation.  As I was a trained nurse, all I could think was, "I've lost my son.  He will be institutionalized."  Everything I knew about autism was from some old textbook by Leo Kanner, who talked about "refridgerator mothers."  Where had I gone wrong?  All I wanted in the beginning was for Eoin to call us Mammy and Daddy.  He had been able to do this earlier, but he had lost these skills.  The grief that we went through as Eoin was formally diagnosed with autism was haunting.  I hate that word, and I always will. 

I asked a paediatrician during one of my visits, "What can I do for Eoin?"  I was told that there were no services.  I was reminded that I had three other children to look after, and I couldn't spend all my time and energies on one.  I was told to wait, and then send him to a special school when he was six.  After leaving that appointment, I made a vow to prove that doctor wrong, that I would not give up on my son.  Surely there had to be something I could do.  

My mother rang me late one night to tell me about a fund raising event for children with autism taking place in City Hall in Belfast.  I made enquiries and through my sister got in contact with a woman named Kate.  Kate is the mother of a girl with autism and had done everything she could to help her daughter learn and develop.  I couldn't thank Kate enough for changing our lives.  Her enthusiasm and help put us on the road we are on today.  Kate introduced us to another family with a child with autism; we met that family and saw what they were doing to teach their child.  They had put in place an in-home teaching programme, and their child was learning and developing every day.  We will forever be grateful to these two mums, who pointed us in the right direction for our Eoin.  

At that time, CEAT was not yet in Northern Ireland; they were making plans to come over.  I knew I needed help, to put in place a teaching programme for my son.  I found a consultant to help us, until CEAT's arrival.  With anticipation, we started teaching Eoin.  He started to develop new skills, started to learn how to learn.  

In October 2004, CEAT had arrived.  Mary and Sarah came to our house and offered us the support and guidance we needed to make the most of our teaching time with Eoin.  They brought us teaching strategies for everything!  Through these last few years, with their support, we have had tokens for this and tokens for that, all of which were necessary.  I was busy making teaching materials, laminating everything, buying the shop out of velcro.

Now, with all this hard work, we have a little boy who has learned many things.  Eoin's understanding of language has improved and now we are able to explain things to him.  And he is able to talk back to us.  Initially all I wanted to hear was "mammy" and "daddy."  Now, I want more.  Our Eoin is witty and he loves to tell jokes.  He loves school, tells tales on his brother and sisters and wants to be a move star.  Eoin can create films on the computer and do things that we, his parents, can't!  The other night I was giving his sister a driving lesson, and when she was finished, he said, "right, mammy, you get out.  It's my turn now."  Hopefully one day he will be able to do this.  

We have had many years of therapy now and I have to mention the dedicated tutors who have worked with Eoin as part of our home teaching programmes.  We owe them so much.  Without their dedication,hard work and belief in Eoin, we would not be here today.  Nor would Eoin be the happy, sociable little boy he is now.  Thank you both very much.  

Mary once noted that I never smiled.  And she was right.  I didn't.  I couldn't.  It was the fear and horror of losing my son.  It doesn't matter how many children you have.  You don't focus on one or two.  You love them all the same.  If your child is hurting, you feel their pain.   But, I smile plenty now.  There are times I find myself telling Eoin to "be quiet!"  Then I remember that this is what I have longed for all along!